“When you seek control, you lose control of yourself in the process. When you release control, you make space for your true self to emerge.”
This is something that came to me on one of my long, contemplative walks (what I lovingly refer to as Walk It Out). And it’s something that rings so true for me, and I’m sure for many others out there.
My entire life, I have tried to control everything around me, including how people saw me. I strived to make sure no one saw any of my flaws.
If people saw my flaws, they’d judge me, right?
That’s a pretty funny thought because, through the years, I’ve learned people will judge you no matter what you do. They’ll judge you if you do nothing too!
My need to control how people see me is something that has permeated my whole life. You could say that I’m a perfectionist, but I think that may be an understatement.
Throughout my life:
I wanted to control how people saw me.
I wanted to control what people thought of me.
I wanted to control what people knew about me.
I wanted to control the direction my life took.
I wanted to control everything.
To the point where I was controlling my life to death.
To the point where I lost pieces of myself because they weren’t pretty enough for people to see.
Because… what if they judged me?
The funny thing is, I was the one judging myself.
Assuming other people wouldn’t be able to relate. Assuming they’d judge before I even gave them a chance.
If you’ve seen the new Jumanji movie, the Ruby Roundhouse character is a perfect image of me when I was younger. Smart, pretty, funny and nice – but terrified of letting people see all of me.
Being vulnerable was the scariest thing of all.
I let everyone see the parts of me I thought they’d like, and I hid everything else away. I hid it so deep that it took me a lot of time to unbury all of it. I’m sure there is more I haven’t discovered yet.
I have been working extremely hard over the past few years to unbury the pieces of myself that I’d hidden away. It’s an ongoing process. One that is sometimes painful, and always rewarding.
One thing I’ve learned along the way is the need for control is a stumbling block. It’s something many of us face in our lives to teach us a lesson.
And that’s okay. It’s how we learn.
The challenge is to let go of the need for control once you’re aware that it’s affecting your life. Because when you seek to control everything in your life, you will lose pieces of yourself in the process and it will cause challenges you wouldn’t face otherwise.
We are all special and we all have a purpose here on Earth. We each came here for a reason, and it’s up to us to sit back, release the need to control everything around us and go with the flow.
Only when you relax into who you are at your core will life unfold around you the way it should. Only when you open your heart to the possibilities will the doors swing open.
While I’m not 100% there, I’m striving to get there. And I believe I’m making steady progress.
Every time I release a need to control something in my life.
Every time I listen to that little voice in my head and act on it.
Every time I make a conscious effort to move with the flow of the universe.
That’s when the magic happens in my life.
That’s when I find pieces of myself I forgot.
That’s when I remember who I truly am and why I’m here.
Letting go of the need for control isn’t easy, but it’s a life changer. It has opened my heart in ways I didn’t know were possible.
If there are pieces of you that you’ve hidden away because you are afraid other people will judge them, I encourage you to start letting those pieces of you out for everyone to see.
It’s scary. I know firsthand.
That’s why I know that even though it’s terrifying to raise your hand and say this is who I am and what I’m all about, it’s so worth it in the end.
There will be people who judge.
There will be people who move out of your life.
That’s okay! That will only leave more space for new experiences. For more people who can relate and provide the support you need to chase your dream life.
If you don’t have that support in your everyday life, find it here in the Happy Mothering community and on our social media channels.
We are so fortunate to have the internet. The ability to make new friends is literally at our fingertips now. If the people in your local community aren’t providing you the support you need, go online.
There’s no need to feel unsupported these days. I am here to support you in your journey of reclaiming your true self. So please lean on me and the other women in our community. We’re here for you!
I’d love to hear your story in the comments if you feel compelled to share. Letting your feelings out is the first step in releasing the need to control, and welcoming true abundance into your life.